What to watch when you're watching your child play

I get asked this more than any other question by parents: 'What should I be looking at when I watch?' It is a brilliant question, because it shows the parent wants to be useful without overstepping. Here is the framework I share with every Fact Football family.

Watch the moments without the ball

Ninety percent of the game happens away from the ball. If you only watch your child when they are on the ball, you will miss the vast majority of what they are actually doing. Try this for one match: pick three moments when your child does not have the ball and describe to yourself what they did. Did they move? Did they ask for the ball? Did they cover a teammate?

Resist the urge to coach during the match

I know the impulse is strong. The child loses the ball, you see what they should have done, the words form. Please swallow them. There is one coach on the touchline, and giving instructions from another voice — even helpful ones — overloads the child and damages their ability to read the game themselves.

If you must say something, say something descriptive: 'good shape', 'great recovery', 'unlucky touch'. Never instructional in the moment.

After the match: the only question that matters

On the drive home, do not ask 'did you win?'. Do not ask 'did you score?'. Ask one question: 'What was the best decision you made today?'. It signals that you value thinking over outcome. Over months and years, this changes how your child relates to the game.

• Good question: 'What was the best decision you made today?'
• Good question: 'Was there a moment where you saw something the rest of the team didn't?'
• Bad question: 'Why didn't you shoot when you had the chance?'
• Bad question: 'Did the coach play you in your best position?'

Letting the coach coach

When you book a session with Fact Football, you are buying coaching expertise alongside one hour of your child's week. The most generous thing you can do for that investment is to step back during the session and let the relationship between coach and player develop. I will always come and find you afterwards with the session note. That is the conversation we are here to have.